RELATIONSHIP TRAPS

Attachment to a significant partner can sometimes have a negative connotation however understanding healthy attachment can help us deal with negative relationship patterns. According to attachment theory and research, there are two fundamental ways in which people differ from one another in the way they think about relationships. For example some people are more anxious than others. People who have attachment-related anxiety tend to worry about whether their partners really love them and often fear rejection. Second, some people are more avoidant than others. People who are high in attachment-related avoidance are less comfortable depending on others and opening up to others. The two dimensions of anxiety and avoidance can be combined to create interesting combinations of attachment styles. These insecure attachment patterns can lead to significant others being unavailable and unresponsive, rejecting, abandoning and abusive.
On the other hand secure attachment patterns lead to available understanding and responsive relationships. For example people who are low in both attachment-related anxiety and avoidance are generally considered secure because they don't typically worry about whether their partner's are going to reject them and they are comfortable being emotionally close to others. 
Attachment patterns are often formed in childhood. Our attachment patterns are elaborated and maintained throughout our life experiences. More importantly we can change outdated attachment-related anxiety and avoidance through understanding our personal attachment patterns and needs and through learning how to emotionally attune to our partner and develop healthy communication skills. For further information please visit www.counsellingrelationships.com.au