We can get defensive in our personal relationships as well as critical and shut down. When this becomes a repeated negative cycle of interaction within marriages or couple relationships our brain goes into "survival mode" and is programmed to be on the look out for "more trouble". Which basically means we become stressed, anxious or avoidant towards the people we used to turn to for love and support. This survival mode will trump positive feelings if not understood and worked through . So when you feel shut down or wanting to run away from the relationship or anxious and desperate to get your partners attention you are probably in a nervous system survival response. This can be difficult to understand or get out of when both of you are operating from survival overdrive. Counselling is all about enabling you to have the insight and skills to understand and de-escalate these negative cycles of interaction. You are then able to feel an increase in connection.
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