Why do significant and important relationships developed chronic problems or fall apart?
Scientific study of the brain and the role that significant love relationships play in shaping it has given a new basis for understanding why people have great difficulty communicating with the most important individuals in their lives.
People, who have experienced confusing, frightening, or broken emotional communications during the brains development in infancy, often grow into adults who have difficulty understanding their own emotions and the feelings of others. When an infant’s attachment bond (love connection with caregiver) fails to provide the child with sufficient structure, understanding and safety, the brain develops patterns of insecurity.
Insecurity can limit our ability to build or maintain successful relationships.
When we are able to recognise insecure expectations, attitudes, assumptions and behaviour as resulting from insecure attachment patterns (love connection). We can then deal with these insecure patterns that influence our adult relationships.
THE BRAIN IS OPEN TO CHANGE
New insights into brain development enable us to understand what it takes to help build and nurture successful love relationships. Relationships in which people are tuned into each other’s emotions are called attuned relationships. Communication skills that produce an attuned attachment and understanding of each other’s thoughts and feelings can enable mutual connection, safety and love.
In my experience as a relationship counsellor I have noticed one of the greatest challenges for couples in conflict is to actively listen to each other. Really listen to what your partner is sharing with you. The second biggest challenge is to be able to share our true feelings without condemning or blaming our partner. Tricky stuff!
To learn further skills in communication, creating attachment and safe connection in love relationships you can contact me on www.counsellingrelationships.com.au