Science recognises that love is one of the most compelling survival mechanisms of the human race. The desire to emotionally attach is wired into our genes. We need healthy emotional attachment with our loved ones to be physically and mentally healthy. Those who are loved and understood also grow and flourish as individuals. Those who feel isolated, judged or estranged from those close to them often have a feeling of living in solitary confinement. A thousand fears or experiences from the past can keep us feeling alone and isolated.
As people, we want to be loved and understood. Ego defences are built up in our psyche to protect us from unhealthy and hurtful attachments with those close to us. Ego defences are often cultivated to protect us from others as well as camouflage what we consider to be defects in ourselves.
When we are able to safely communicate what we feel, value, esteem, hate, fear, desire, hope for, believe in and are committed to – then we can be intimate and grow in relationships. In order to do this we also need the other to become a safe witness. To create safety for another we must be able to give space to their reality, to witness without judgement. Where true and safe communication exists, the focus is not so much with the ‘problems’ and ‘solutions’ as with the communication itself. When we encourage another to share of themselves we are also empowering ourselves to do the same. When we feel safely connected to others we understand ourselves better and like ourselves more.
In love relationships we all live with the feelings of connection and disconnection at times. It is when we can understand these cycles of connection and disconnection– our relationships have a chance to be everything we wish it to be.